Accidents

Accident:

[ak-si-duhnt] –noun

1. an undesirable or unfortunate happening that occurs unintentionally and usually results in harm, injury, damage, or loss; casualty; mishap: automobile accidents.

2. Law . such a happening resulting in injury that is in no way the fault of the injured person for which compensation or indemnity is legally sought.

3. any event that happens unexpectedly, without a deliberate plan or cause.

 

Accidents are strange. They feel surreal, assuming that you are fortunate enough to walk away unharmed. Most accidents, say around the house, are a disappointment, not resulting in any major injury, or sometimes, maybe, there's a close call; like a near fall down a flight of stairs that was narrowly averted. I tend to chastise myself for not being aware, or for not being focused on what I was doing.

 

Then there are the accidents that occur with Sophia, the childish accidents that 5, nearly 6 year olds get themselves into. Those are always nerve wracking, but thus far, I've been able to keep her injury to a minimum through management and a little T.L.C.

 

The family got into a little fender bender car accident yesterday and it shook us up a bit. For me, being a passenger, and then being a mother to the child in the backseat, I had a wild range of emotions. In my usual tact and class, the minute we were struck from behind, I screamed out a profanity, and then turned around to see if Sophia was ok, who was shouting "we crashed!!" and then began crying, which triggered me to cry. Everyone was perfectly fine; no physical injuries to anyone in the accident, and there were 4 cars in the pile up. It could have been so much worse, and I am so happy that it was just a fender bender, but it is frightening to think of how quickly things can go so wrong.

 

To see the accident through Sophia's eyes, her first accident at such a young age, when things in life are all good, and easy, and taken care of, it's been meaningful for me. Her trust is damaged. She doesn't want to get into the car again until it's fixed and she can't see "the white part sticking out" any more. We stayed up a little late talking it through and mostly she is afraid it will happen again, but that the car won't be fixed right and it won't protect us anymore. I pulled out all my tricks to reassure her that the car will be fixed, that it's unlikely to happen again, and that it WILL protect us.

 

How do I assure her, when there is no assurance? Aside from shutting ones self off from the world, or walking to every destination, there's no way to eliminate the risk of a car accident. It's there every time we get in the car. 

 

It reminded ME that things like this happen. It's been years and years since I've been in or around any kind of auto accident or incident. A person just forgets through years of safe driving, and being in the right places at the right times, that accidents happen, and the sobering side of it is that people can and do get hurt; all the time.

 

I'm filled to the rim with abundant gratitude for the gift of each day with my family and loved ones. I'm grateful that we're safe, and healthy, and unharmed. I am humbled by the gifts my daughter keeps giving me every day. Every day her exuberant, shining, trusting, innocent, real, raw self shows me the way to be a better person; to work toward deserving everything she puts in me.

Tosa Pool

Boy, today I am missing that camera cable. I would make a point to go to Hoyt Park and take photo's of the new Tosa Pool. It's magnificent. It's really a beautiful place, that was well executed, and I'm sooo pleased to have it in my community. Today is the grand opening, and lemme tell ya, the weather is SHIT. It's damp, and cloudy and cool, and the usual fare we've been given this spring.

Hoyt Pool is a landmark. The bath house/pavilion has been there since the 1930's. It's really lovely inside with original brass and hardwood, a wood burning fireplace, etc...I have yet been inside the newly remodeled, expanded and renovated building, but I anticipate a first class job, based on what I see on the exterior. It is cape cod inspired, and makes me want to spend long, lazy summer days there.

Here is a blurb from the "Friends o Hoyt Park and Pool":

The wooded acres of Hoyt Park have historically served residents as the site of the “local swimming hole.” More than 100 years ago, people sought out the banks of the expansive Menomonee River. In the 1920s and 1930s, the community swam in the earth-bottom swimming hole filled each summer by the local fire department. In 1937, Hoyt Park was entrusted to Milwaukee County and the Civilian Conservation Corps were engaged to help build the pool, which opened in 1939 and closed in 2003 due to severe structural problems.

I took a walk over to the park and strolled the parameter of the pool, and it's just so inviting with a sand pit area to play and build in, a large play set right in the zero depth pool, complete with slides and climbing/exploring areas, a large tube slide for the bigger "kids", a lap pool. There are gracious Adirondack chairs throughout, plenty of full sun and shaded spots. There is a really large, fully shaded eating spot, with nice tables. All of the covered areas are blue, cool, inviting canopies. It looks like the concession area will have a wide variety of food and snack items.

I feel so lucky to have such a nice park, with hiking trails, and playground, and now this wonderful pool! It brings me to day dreaming about those long lost, childhood days that were so good, they seemed like they'd never end, even though they always did, leading to the next lovely, lazy day.

Swimming Lessons

Sophia has been participating in Swim America's swim program. It's a neat program that is 1/2 hour sessions, every day, for 10 (work) days. The concept is to accelerate learning in a natural way, with a personalized approach. They have a high number of coaches to a lower number of students to give them a bit more attention than in other group sessions. My expectations were quite high going into the program, and I believe that Sophia's were as well.

Sophia has always been fearless when it comes to water. She absolutely loves it, and I say she gets that from me. I love to swim and be in the water; swimming has just always come naturally to me. The problem comes in where Sophia needs to listen and actually learn to swim. We've been going every day, and every day she "fails" the float portion of "level 2". Some of the problem is fear of holding her breath for as long as, or longer than 5 seconds, but mostly it's her fear that she'll sink like a stone to the bottom of the pool. She's said so herself. "I'm scared I'll sink to the bottom and drown" were her exact words.

Each day I watch from the stands and see her improving. It's so neat to see her cheerful, exuberant, excitement to get into the pool and start swimming. It's been difficult to watch her disappointment as the days go by and she stays at "level 2". I struggled with feeling disappointed that she couldn't get a "simple float" as the swim coach had said, but honestly, I've learned a great deal from watching her learn and gain confidence. So, maybe she hasn't mastered front and back float, and maybe she's a little leery to put her face under the water, but I see an eager girl, who will not be swayed. She wants so badly to learn, she faces her frustrations day after day with a huge smile on her face, and a throat full of giggles. She said to me "Mama, I just have to believe in myself more" and I believe that she understands what that means. Once she connects her body with her confidence, and finds a way to trust that the water will hold her, there won't be any stopping her.

If only I could bottle that sheer determination, there would be no limits to what we could do!!!

Dandelions

Dandelions seem to be the most hated, poisoned, vigorously hunted and destroyed "weed" on the planet. Or, so it seems to me. We happen to be one of the only houses on our block that does not hire a lawn service to decimate any trace of weed activity in our "lawn". I have to use the word lawn loosely. It's mostly weeds of all kinds, dandelions of course, and a mix of crazy grasses. This time of year, we stick out like a sore thumb. The yellow blossoms usually tend to die down a little bit after the first wave of spring wears off, but we have quite the yellow carpet.

Last year, it was bad enough that I watched my neighbor, who I really like and have a decent relationship with, dig out all the dandelions in his front yard by hand. OK, fine. He stops me a few days later and says something about spraying our lawn, and how he knows that I'm against toxic chemicals, BUT....Well, yeah, I AM against it. I have a daughter who I love dearly, and I grow food on this land. Seems really counter intuitive to poison my food supply and poison the ground my kid plays on. Now, that being said, he has two little girls, and grows food in HIS yard, but it doesn't scare him. At any rate, he told me that it took him 3 hours to dig out the dandelions in his lawn. I didn't really even understand what he was trying to say initially. I was so out of it on this front, I laughed and said "Yeah, I saw that and thought you were crazy". When the real truth he was speaking was that he spent that time digging MY dandelions out of his yard. He went so far as to ask me if it'd be OK for him to spray my front lawn. I conceded and said as long as he restricted it to the front lawn and mostly whatever he felt was a deterrent to HIS manicured yard. I never thought he'd do it, but one day, while coming back from dropping Sophia off at school, I saw him in my yard with his sprayer!!!

So, of course, this being our 6th year in the house, and the 6th year of our grass not being treated, (we bought it when it had been sprayed consistently) we have a MASS of dandelions. Worse than I'd have ever thought, considering that it's just what we generate here, since everyone else is pouring poison on their grass.

Well, this morning, Mr. O had to finally mow the yard, and in turn, mow down all the dandelions. Sophia started to cry. She couldn't stop, and I asked her what was wrong and she said that it was breaking her heart that he was taking away all the dandelions.

Every year, when she sees that first puff of yellow, her heart soars and she shouts "Mama!!! I have a present for you!!!" She gleefully yanks it out of the ground and hands it to me with a smile that could light up a room. Some days she'll run in the house with a fist full; a grand bouquet for me to display for the short hours until they wither into a revolting blob of dead weeds. Each year I explain that no one wants her to pick the dried out ones that have gone to seed; no one wants her to blow the seeds off and scatter them far and wide, and yet, the joy she experiences from it, the innocent wonder of something that can transform itself the way dandelions do, it's priceless. Who doesn't remember the sheer fun of picking dandelions? We used to pick them and sing a little ditty "Mama had a baby and it's head popped off", while popping and flinging the flower cap off with a quick flick of the thumb. I think dandelions are synonymous with childhood.

Aside from the fun they bring to children, it would behoove me to gather and EAT our dandelion greens. We have plenty in the yard. I could have been eating dandelion salad for days and days. I hear the nutritional benefit is huge. They are high in vitamin A, provide 188% of the RDA for vitamin K, as well as being a good source of calcium and iron too.

Well, I did give Mr. O the OK to "do something" about the weeds, and hopefully that will be mostly in the front yard, since our baby girl and her friends play in that "grass" and mud and mess in the back yard, and I REALLY don't want to put poison in our food.....I'm conflicted. I LOVE where we live and it's a lovely place to look at, but I hate the peer pressure to conform. I love lush lawns as much as the next guy, but I love my beautiful yellow bouquets more.

Glorious Smoked Chubs

Today was a second big day of gardening, and I am feeling the pinch of not having my photo cable. I miss being able to share pictures of what is happening, because right now, the garden is starting to come to life, and I'd LOVE to show you.

Before I could get to the bulk of the gardening and yard work, I had to first hit Sophia's book fair, and then pick up some essentials at Sendik's (the local grocery store) and then pick up some seeds at the garden center. While I was at Sendik's I noticed a package of delectable, fresh, fat, smoked chubs. I had to have them. I put the package in my cart and spun around to go and get the expensive cream of asparagus soup I'd seen over in the dairy isle. I was going to have a feast for lunch, to get me fueled up for gardening.

Some of you may be wondering what on earth is she talking about "smoked chubs??" If you don't know, here it is:

Yes, this is exactly what I had for lunch today, along with a steaming cup of gourmet cream of asparagus soup made with tarragon, and creme freche. MMmmm. It was Divine!!!

If you live in Wisconsin, or grew up in Wisconsin, chances are you've purchased fish of varied types at little places like this one: Ewigs Port Washington, WI I have strong, and very fond memories of drives with my Mother, either to my family's cottage, or up to Door County and stopping off to pick up some smoked fish. Mostly it was always chubs. Oh, sure, sometimes a white fish, but mostly it was chubs. The smell, and the taste will always be a delicacy to me; an ambrosia that takes me back to sunny, summer days, sitting at a park side picnic table, with an open box of smelly fish, some plastic forks and a pile of napkins; smiling at my Mother for her genius at having purchased this special treat. The smell of the fish lingers on the fingers for the entire day after you eat them, and I have to confess, I love to bring my fingers to my nose and inhale the memory of the little luncheon devoured with greedy joy just hours before.

Today was a day like one of those days, except I didn't have a 5 pound box of fish, I had three fish, and I wasn't with my Mom. I was alone, but the window was open, and the sun had started to peek out. The breeze was warm, thick and humid. The fish was absolutely delicious.

I'm sure that every person, from their home region has a food like this one, something that is so explicitly home, so much a part of the place and the person, that it just sits with them like the afghan that their grandmother knit them. Smoked fish is a deep  running, common thread among Wisconsinites. Everyone knows what you're talking about when you mention it, and I'd say 99% of people will groan agreeably and utter words of desire if talk of smoked fish carries on too long. Often times it's poorly smoked, over done, salty, and dry, but you have to be a connoisseur. You have to be able to feel the fish, look at the oil, and yes, you want it to be oily; test that it's flesh gives way a bit when lightly pressed. That way you know you've got a moist, meaty, mild tasting bit of heaven. All that's needed to accompany this lovely bit of fish, is possibly some Italian bread and butter, but really, nothing but the fish. Maybe a good beer, but, really, just the fish...

Tip Of The Day

I'm back from the "great north woods" and a relatively relaxing trip. I'm simply grateful that the sun made an appearance and has stuck around since Sunday. It's still windy and cold, but I have got to say, I NEED the light for my frame of mind. This has been an especially, remarkably cold, dark, dreary spring and everyone I run into makes roughly the same comment "enough is enough".

Upon my return from the cottage, I went to get my camera and the cable cord, and discovered that I do not have the cable for my camera, so, I will not be able to download my pictures, which is going to make my blog a little trickier to do. Not to mention that it would have been useful for a project we need to work on for Sophia's school work. C'est la vie. I'll get it the next time I'm up there, I guess. It'll make me more discriminating with the photos I take.

So, because I'm still adjusting to the busy week, and am spending most of my time out in the garden at the moment, I'm simply posting a helpful tip for anyone who's interested in saving a little money while being a bit greener in your kitchen

Tip of The Day:

Here's a recipe to make your own home made all purpose, disinfecting kitchen spray. It's very economical when compared to the earth friendly kitchen cleansers found at your local stores.

All Purpose Disinfecting Kitchen Spray

1/4 Cup white vinegar

2 teaspoons Borax

1/4 teaspoon Dr. Bronner's liquid castile soap

 (scent of your choice, I enjoy peppermint)

Water

When you finish a 32 ounce bottle of kitchen spray, save the bottle, add the above ingredients, and top it off with water. Shake, and use to wipe down the stove, refrigerator, counter tops, microwave, or any surface that needs a thorough wipe down. I love it, and once you make the initial investment, you can make nearly endless bottles of cleanser.

If you're unfamiliar with Dr. Bronner's, or castile soap, please visit the web page: Dr. Bronner's it's a wonderful, environmentally friendly soap/cleanser. You will most likely have to hit your local natural foods store to find a variety of Dr. Bronner's soaps, where you can find a variety of scents to suit your taste.

Borax of course can be found in the laundry detergent isle of the supermarket.

Happy cleaning!



Technology - Less

Yesterday I was not able to get on my computer for the majority of the day because of technological difficulties. It's frustrating when the technology we have all come to rely on "breaks down". I'm caught somewhere in the middle of being an outright luddite, and being completely immersed in technology. I rely heavily on my computer, and I use my cell phone for calls and an occasional text. When it comes to this blog, I absolutely need my computer and an internet connection.

I've been busting my behind getting prepared to head up north to the cottage. My day is filled with laundry, baking, cooking, packing and generally getting the house as set as it can be for leaving Mr. O in charge.

While I work, I am eager to set off on my own and have a couple days all to myself. It's interesting because the reason I'm going up there alone is to get the bathroom painted. My "get away" is to go and work, but I'm looking forward to it with anticipation. I hope that the weather is pleasant and the drive speedy. If I'm lucky, I'll be able to crank the painting out in a day, and have the rest of the time to relax, do some writing and test drive my peddle boat.

I won't be able to post anything to the blog until next Monday, as I will be without internet access, and essentially unplugged from the technology. I anticipate some photos and posts from the great north woods next week.

Happy Mother's Day

Oh, the wonderful, wonderful gifts I received this Mother's Day. It was almost too much. There was the lovely decorated card, and then the gorgeous "All About Mom" book, with the elaborately decorated envelope. A sponge painted terracotta pot, with a packet of zinnia seeds and a hand made bouquet. The sheer joy and excitement Sophia had in giving me each and every "surprise" (all gifted by Saturday morning) was priceless. This felt like my first REAL Mother's Day, and it was very special. My precious girl!!

Art class flowers made of dough, and hand painted. Also see the geraniums that she planted in Daisy Scouts, in a chalk board pot that she wrote "I love you, Mom" on.

Swan Neck Gourd

I was luckier even still and Mr. O presented me with a gorgeous bouquet of roses, which are opening on the coffee table in the living room. I didn't take a photo, but they're really beautiful, and they brighten the whole room. I was also able to spend the day with my Mother, relaxing, and enjoying the sunshine and one of the few true spring days we've had this season. I couldn't have asked for a nicer day.



Breaking It Down To Build It Up

This life is a series of circles. We're all slowly breaking down, slowly moving toward the beginning of the bigger circle of life. As an American in the human race, I'm fortunate to have advanced medical science at my finger tips. One can buy whatever is necessary, either perceived or real, to prolong life. Be it supplements, hiring nutritionists, dial a doctor and they will prescribe something to keep you  happier, living with less pain, make your eyelashes longer, and on and on and on. As we have been catapulted into this age of science with a "pill for every ill", somewhere along the line we've sacrificed our own health for profit. Doesn't it all come back to being what we eat?

There is a "whole foods movement" slowly taking hold in our American culture and that's fantastic. We're all thinking about the chemicals, the preservatives, the poisons we've put in our food and the potential long term consequences. We've already come to see what growth hormones are doing to our young kids, girls especially, with puberty hitting at younger and younger ages.

After a minimal amount of prodding from a dear friend who believes very strongly that food is medicine, I begged Mr. O for a juicer for Valentine's Day. What better way to say I love you than through healthy beverages? I had done a lot of research and found the best reviews, for the price point I had in mind, were for the Breville Compact Juice Fountain. Now, there is a lot to consider when looking for a juicer, and for me, I knew that I was in the centrifugal line of things, versus the masticating end. When you start to get into masticating juicers, the price point spikes. The advantages are getting down onto the molecular and cellular level of the plant extract, and while that would promote optimal health and healing properties, I'm thinking I'm still benefiting from centrifugal juice.

Here's the Breville set up and waiting to massacre a batch of celery, apple, grape juice. (I didn't have any other greens that I could sacrifice.

So, here's what it looks like after it's made short work off that pile of veggies you just saw. The machine comes with a lovely little tool that works perfectly to scrape all the bits out of the cracks and crannies, and whatever it doesn't get, I spray out with my sprayer. The other end of the tool has a hard bristle brush to scrub the screen out. It's neato. The components are dishwasher safe, but only top rack, and my top rack is not big enough to handle the stuff. Maybe you could get away with bottom rack, but I don't find it difficult to clean AT all. No more so than any of my other small kitchen appliances.

Beautiful to look at, pretty darn tasty, and VERY healthful. It was my mid morning snack.

The benefits of juicing are many, and if you're interested, I'd highly recommend doing a little online research, and see for yourself. A perfect Mother's Day gift to yourself, or for a loved one would be this nifty juicer. It really is convenient, and it helps recycle those veggies that aren't appealing for salads anymore. It works well with leafy greens, all sorts of hard veggies, fruits, and berries. It's a great investment in your health, at around $100, it can't be beat.

The other wonderful benefit to juicing is the ability to use the produce to it's fullest by either using the pulp to cook with, which, I don't find appealing, or composting. Composting is a fantastic way to continue the circle of your day to day household life. It takes all your paper towels, paper products, veggie scraps, lawn clippings and leaves, and makes a rich humus to fertilize the garden with. I strongly recommend composting if you haven't started already. It feels great to eliminate so much waste from our weekly garbage, and I'm eager to start using the compost I've created. It takes minimal effort to turn the compost, and with some sun, and help from Mother Nature, dark, loose soil can be apparent in less than 6 months. (At least that's been my experience so far, turning regularly with my "Garden Claw")

Here is my compost bin, which is kept on the kitchen counter, next to the coffee pot. All of the remaining pulp from my juice making goes into the bucket, and then out to the big compost bin in the yard.

Coffee grounds, egg shells, paper towels, grape stems, banana peels, et al.

My modest compost bin at the back of the  yard, behind the play set. Easy to get to, but out of sight for the most part. I find the "Garden Claw" to be a handy device for turning compost, and it's really sped up the process.

The interesting part about the composting for me so far is that I can see usable compost in the middle and at the very bottom, and you're supposed to be able to slide those doors up and scoop it out to use. HOWEVER, the leaves and dry "brown" parts slide over to the side. Maybe it's my technique. It's an ever evolving process and rather amazing to watch. Last summer, there was a point where I thought "hm, this is filling up kind of fast", and literally the next time I went out and turned it, it had reduced by at least a foot. It grows as we add to it and then shrinks away. I got very fortunate that I put it over a spot where we'd cleared a pile of lumber, and the bug life and worms were teaming there. So, they've been a huge built in help for digesting and breaking down the good stuff.

Break down all the unused stuff, to build up a strong, fertile, abundant garden!! Let's get growing.

Working To Play

Phew. I'm tired. I just moved between a 1/4 and a 1/2 cord of wood from the patio, to the back of the yard, with a plastic Radio Flyer wagon. Then I pulled the patio table and chairs out of the garage, and that of course lead to a handful of other minor yard tasks, and a smidgen of weeding. So, I played around outside and arranged the patio furniture and moved the strawberry tower to a visually appealing location. It looks inviting. I attempted to work on the computer out there, and have a bite of lunch, but the screen became nearly impossible to read in the bright sun. I am not complaining; we haven't had bright sun in far, far too long. It was fantastic sitting there, feeling the sun on my skin, as I ate my quesedilla, but I had to move indoors to finish working.

(OK, so, the breeze is a little brisk, but this is Wisconsin)

Mmm, cheesy whole wheat quesedilla and spicy salsa.

So, yesterday I mentioned that my uncle was going out of his way to help me out by coming over to pick up my new peddle boat. So, I made BBQ ribs, garlic mashed potatoes and corn. (A repeat meal from not long ago) I also made deviled eggs out of the last of the Easter eggs because it's a favorite.

Smoked paprika makes them special....especially to serve with BBQ.

Handy Tip of The Day:

After you've mixed your mayonnaise yolks, and seasoning, scoop into a plastic sandwich bag, cut off the tip of the corner of the bag, and squeeze into pretty swirls inside the hollowed out egg halves. Makes for a nice presentation.

The Peddle Boat: KL Industries Playmate Sunslider

The minute we got to the store, it began to pour....of course. Why wouldn't it?

The back rests to the seats are off as well as the canopy. But here is my brand new, 5 seat (also turns into a two person lounger) paddle boat. Oh,man, I'm so excited. I can't wait to get up north and try it out! What a lucky girl I am, and doubly lucky to have an uncle who's got all the necessary and super cool ratcheting lock downs. Woot!

All the wood hauling, fresh air and sunshine has me beat, so I think I'm going to try another one of those savasana meditations.

Volunteering Leads to Learning

I missed a blog entry yesterday because I ended up being so busy, I just didn't have a minute to gather my thoughts and formulate a decent post. I've been tending the garden and securing things. I'm glad I did, because this is what I saw this morning:

Yes, that's right a really, really bad, blurry photograph of a gigantic rabbit sitting, staring at my lettuce, spinach and peas patch. Last year, I was foolish enough to think that rabbits wouldn't, or couldn't just gnaw right through this flimsy plastic fencing I put up (because I thought it looked nicer). I swiftly learned that they loved to sit in the garden and leisurely munch on my peas and lettuces. No more, Mrs. Rabbit; no more!

At the beginning of the school year I volunteered for several things, and one of them was to make home made play dough. Well, it's pretty much just salt dough, but it was really cool to see it come together. I hadn't ever made home made play dough before, but I am definitely going to make a batch for home as well.

The recipe is easy:

OK, see that little note about adding extract to make the smell nice? Uh, huh, yeah, well, I have pure mint extract, and I thought that I'd add a few "drops" of that. Mm, yeah, OK, well, the bottle doesn't have a dropper opening. The play dough I made smells AWESOME. Through the bag, and Sophia's backpack and everything. (Yes, I dropped in about half a bottle)

Just dumped all the ingredients in the pot, and turned on the heat. It gets really difficult to stir before it even gets all that hot. When it got nearly impossible to stir, I plopped it on the surface of my granite island.



And kneaded it until it was exactly like regular play dough. It was fun to make, fast and really easy. I'm thinking that I won't buy regular play dough anymore. I loved making this for her school, and I loved to learn a new skill. 

The finished product!

I've been spending most of the day cooking and preparing for a nice meal (ribs again!!) for my uncle, who's been kind enough to give me his time, and the use of his truck and trailer to pick up the brand new peddle boat I just bought!! I'm sooo excited. So, I'm going to get on searing and braising, and maybe tomorrow's post will be about peddle power!

Rewards and Consequences

Living with a nearly 6 year old can be a challenge. There are days where I feel like I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. Days when the child pushes, and pushes my buttons, and the "time out" trick just doesn't cut it. A parent has to have an arsenal of consequences at their fingertips when rules are broken or behavior is rebellious. When a child is very young, as mine is, the consequences have to be simple, but impactful.

In turn, "good" behavior and taking on household responsibility needs to be rewarded, and often times, for small children, a "thanks, great job, I really appreciate it" just isn't enough to motivate them to continue wanting to pitch in around the house.

I'm really fortunate in that I joined an online support/discussion board when I was pregnant with Sophia and we have been going strong for almost 7 years now. (Wow, when I see that, I can barely believe it's been that long) The support, the laughter, the advice, the tears, the joys and the deep sorrow and pain we've shared over these past 7 years has been invaluable to me, and my "board" is where I learned about the "rewards jar".

This is our rewards jar station that I have set up in our kitchen. The large jar on the left is filled with river rocks and the small mason jar on the right is the actual rewards jar. As a chore is accomplished, such as emptying the dishwasher, or picking up the playroom, helping with yard work, etc..., she receives a stone, or possibly more, depending on the size of the job. The black electrical tape is the goal line; you fill the jar to the line, and then you can pick a reward from the reward basket.

Things like bowling, a trip and lunch at the zoo, $10 to spend at Toys R Us, etc...are discussed with Sophia and decided upon as rewards. They go into the basket and when she fills the jar, she can pick whatever reward she'd like.

The beauty part of this system is that when there are tantrums, fits of attitude, throwing things, crazy lashing out, hitting, inappropriate comments, belligerence, or general "bad behavior" we remove some or ALL of the earned rocks, depending on the severity of the "crime". This has proven to be a marvelous motivator. All I have to do is threaten to take her stones away, and she makes the appropriate choice. I always leave it up to her, and let her know that she IS in fact choosing her behavior and in turn, choosing the consequence for the behavior. I have found that a great tool to use in conjunction with the rewards jar system is the Melissa and Doug Responsibility Chart.

This hangs in the hall between the playroom and the kitchen.

The chart lists various chores and responsibilities ranging from brushing teeth and making the bed, to emptying the dishwasher and helping with yard work. It serves as a reminder for all of us to continue to guide and teach what responsibility means.

I strongly believe that introducing and exposing children to responsibility, getting them familiar with the value of a hard day's work and the satisfaction that comes from it, is vital to raising a well rounded human being. Self confidence grows as a child realises that they CAN do it. They can make a difference in the home and be a contributor to a smooth running household and this benefits everyone.

I feel like there are a lot of parents who are not holding their children accountable, and it's lead to a nation of pampered, sheltered, irresponsible underachievers. I don't know where the break took place, but I am of the earliest wave of "Generation X'ers". It began with us. We were the first generation to stay home past the age of 18 years of age. Many of us struggled to figure out what we wanted to "do with the rest of our lives". Maybe our parents felt too confined by the 1950's attitudes; the parenting that they were brought up with. My parents had me when they were 22 years old, in 1969, during a time of sexual revolution, a more relaxed attitude toward religion, being thrown into the civil rights "war", Vietnam and the growing counter culture. It was a time of great turmoil, strife and awakening. Maybe this caused a less strict and confining attitude toward parenting. I don't believe my parents were soft on me. I feel I am a responsible and well rounded woman, and I fully attribute that to the way I was raised. I do have to admit though, that I was 22 when I finally left home, and I wallowed around, struggling to find direction for years. I didn't have Sophia until I was 36 years old. Eventually life taught me what I needed to know, and I learned how to get in the game, but there is a drastic difference between my life experience at 18-25 years, versus the life experience, attitudes, focus and mindset of my parents at the same age.

So, with our children's futures in mind, let's all try to do the tough job of teaching our children what it means to serve the community, to work hard, and to feel gratified by the rewards life has in store for effort and perseverance. We are stewards of our children's future. I aim to sow a rich field for Sophia, filled with generosity of spirit and time, a sense of duty and responsibility, tempered with a gentle, respectful, open mind. It starts now, and every day.







Osama Bin Laden

While watching TV last night, the news broke that Osama Bin Laden is dead. My initial reaction was "it's about time", and then immediately, I felt remorse, I felt conflicted, and very confused by the video footage being shown of young, white, college aged (this is what I saw on my local news) Americans flooding the streets, celebrating, cheering, waving the American Flag and rejoicing in murder. I'm not here to say that I feel he should have been left to roam freely, filling more people with more hate, and fueling more war. I just don't see how we can view ourselves differently than them. I know I felt sick, and nauseous when I saw footage of Al-Qaeda supporters cheering and rejoicing at the news of the fall of the World Trade Center towers. I don't understand such violent, real, tangible hate. It does not compute. So, watching the news today, I feel disheartened (even as I believe we are all the same; all one in this world) that we are no better than they.

The big question being asked is if the world is a better place with Bin Laden gone. Are we really so naive? How could the world be a better place through war? So, we killed the man who plotted and succeeded in killing nearly 3,000 Americans in one fell swoop. What transpired on September 11, 2001 was heinous and there are no sufficient words to describe the despair and helplessness we all felt, and none more so than the families of the victims. NOTHING can undo that day. No amount of killing, no amount of force, no amount of weaponry will bring back those we lost.

So, today, I find myself with conflicted emotions; one side feeling as though some sort of mid-evil justice has been served, and thoughts of "good riddance, you sick motherfucker", as the other side weeps for the world and it's primitive, hateful state.

If nothing else, I truly hope that what's been done can now bring some sense of closure, or justice, or possibly validation for the years and the military lives we've lost while we've been searching and fighting.

The Family Cabin

I was 12 years old when "On Golden Pond" was released. I fell in love with the movie the first time I saw it, and have loved it ever since. Katharine Hepburn has always been a favorite of mine, and the young boy in the movie was 13, so, I related to him and his experience.

My childhood summers were filled with long, sunny, summer days on sparkling water at MY family's cottage. My Grandparents purchased a very modest brick cottage, on a sandy waterfront property. My Grandfather planted seed pine trees and today, they stand tall all around the property, shadowing the house.

My Grandparents have left a legacy rich with memories; memories that shaped who I am, who my Mother, uncle, and aunt are, and it continues on now, as I create new memories there with my own family. I'm very, very fortunate to have such a place. It's the one place that has always been a constant in my life, the one place I can always go back to, that feels like coming home again.

I struggle now to put into words the depth of my connection with the cottage, the place, the water and the wildlife. I regularly have repetitive dreams about the place. Now, years after my Grandparents have passed away, I feel most connected with my Grandmother when I am there, as if she were in the next room getting ready to go out and drop a fishing line in the water. My Grandmother will always be one of the most beloved people in my life, and I am more than grateful to her for creating a safe haven in her love. She made the cottage the one place we could all go, and totally fall into the rhythm of just being together, enjoying the sun, getting in the boat to go for a ride, swimming, water skiing, fishing, Scrabble, Yahtzee, berry picking and walks in the woods.

I learned how to bait a hook, to fish, to be quiet (some would say I haven't really learned that one yet), to be safe around water, to row, to paddle, to operate an outboard motor....I learned about family.

As in the movie "On Golden Pond", my Grandfather was a hard, mean, and difficult man to be around, while my Grandmother was soft, selfless, generous, compassionate, mischievous and fun. The two of them made an unlikely team, but somehow, they made it work for well over 50 years, and in turn, gave us all wealth and riches far exceeding any kind of monetary, or material legacy.

I can't wait to get up to the cottage this summer. Greeting the lake, hearing the loons, seeing the eagles soar overhead; it refreshes and heals the soul. Two years ago, I was lucky enough to see an otter swim through the channel on an early morning hunt for food.

I came of age in this place, and then I left for a decade. I turned my back on the place, it's magic, my family, and I miss them. I miss my Grandparents so much now that they're gone. I can only hope that Sophia will also come of age enveloped in the great north woods. The experiential life lessons that the  cottage provided me, will always stay with me.

Our place is not grand or fancy, no high brow elegance other than what Mother Nature provides. Thank you, Gramma and Grampa. I wish I knew then, what I know now. I would have thanked them again and again, when they could appreciate knowing that the fruits of  a lifetime of labor payed out 1,000 fold.

Our view in the early morning

The neighbor's pier (early morning mist)

Not much more exciting than your first "big" catch

The good life.....