The Moment of Imbalance

This morning I found myself in a position I dread. It was a brief moment of chaos, blended with frustration as I looked at the calendar and realized that today is Sophia's "snack day" at school. We did not happen to have a group snack to feed 24 kids just lying around, and when I looked up at the clock and saw it was already 7:30am, I went into a frenzy trying to whip up the smoothies for Mr. O and me, get Sophia's breakfast on the table and rush out the door half assembled, to find a snack for her to bring to school. I had roughly 30 minutes to get to the grocery store, pick the snack, check out, get back, slap on my "face" and gather up all of Sophia's miscellaneous school things for her to head out the door. I feel very grateful to live in a neighborhood that has a very nice grocery store about 6 blocks away. I did in fact make it back in time, and get her to school with rainbow colored Goldfish crackers.

Needless to say, I was more than ready to get to the yoga studio and work it out; find the balance and get back to a centered, focused and productive day. (I mean, come on, I'm going out of town in two days, and have a lot I want to accomplish) As I walked over to the studio, I let my mind wander to the blog and what today's topic would be. I felt very scattered, and was finding it nearly impossible to gather my thoughts as they bounced from one thing to the next. As I opened the door to the studio, I pushed my mind toward the moment at hand, and focusing on where I was and why I was there. Now, this is a new studio to me, as I mentioned in a previous post, and as such, the instructors are all new to me as well. The instructor came in, and she introduced herself to me, and we did all the precursory signing in, chatting about my experience, and then she asked me if I minded doing the practice hot. I've worked at 82 degrees quite a bit in my previous practice, so, of course I said "no problem".

We begin the session with sun salutations and if you've ever practiced yoga at a variety of places, with a variety of people and instructors, you'll know that there are many, many variations on the traditional, hatha yoga sun salutation. Well, from the word go, she brought in poses I'd never heard of, and the heat came on fierce within the first 20 minutes or so. Eventually the imbalance I was feeling became incredibly intense. I felt like I'd never even stood in mountain pose before, much less been having an off again, on again love affair with yoga for 12 years. I found myself soaking wet with sweat, struggling to keep from slipping on my mat in downward dog, frustrated with the teacher coming over handing me towels to try and wipe my mat with (it was ineffectual, since the source of the wet was ME) and generally struggling to hold simple positions. I was even more out of sync than when I'd started and even as I was attempting to simply be aware of the feelings and let them go, I was finding myself stressing out inside. During a forward bend, the teacher approached me and put blocks under my hands while saying "don't be such a Pitta". (I found out recently that I am 99% Pitta.) I busted out laughing when she said it and replied, "but that's ALL that I am". "I can see it in your practice" she said.

This interaction has given me much to meditate on. I'm not quite sure how one stops being...

Ayurveda: [ah-yer-vey-duh, -vee-]
–noun

the ancient Hindu art of medicine and of prolonging life. 

 

(Yoga is an integral part of Ayurvedic medicine.)

 

"According to Ayurveda, the universe is created, formed, and organized by consciousness, which expresses itself through five great elements: space, air, fire, water, and earth. In the mind body system of a human being, these five elements refine themselves into three essential governing principles that Ayurveda calls doshas. It is through the doshas that the energy and information of the universe makes itself present in our bodies and our lives." - Deepak Chopra, Overcoming Addictions; The Spiritual Solution

 

So, the three doshas are:

 

Vata dosha which is the principle of movement: it governs circulation, the passage of food through the digestive tract, and even the movement of ideas and feelings through our thoughts.

 

Pitta dosha is associated with the element of fire and is often spoken of through metaphors of heat. Pitta is responsible for the conversion of food into energy through the process of digestion, and for the metabolism of air and water as well.

 

Kapha dosha is the principle of structure in the mind body system. It derives from the elements of earth and water and is said to be the heaviest of the doshas.

 

According to the assessment provided me, I am 99% Pitta, 70% Vata and 66% Kapha.

 

"When in balance, Pitta types are affectionate, and a face glowing with warmth and happiness is characteristic of this dosha. It is only when stress, improper diet, or another destabilizing influence comes into play that the aggressive, critical side of Pitta's nature begins to assert itself." (Deepak Chopra)

 

So, as I continued on with the practice, sweat pouring into my eyes, and making my hands and feet slick, concentrating on my breath, concentrating on balancing my hips, concentrating on BEING in the pose, I realized I had to let go. Just let it go. Let go the notion that I can control each aspect, control how I'm going to react, let go of my fears of being judged by this new instructor who called me out by dosha. Clearly, I am, what I am.

 

For today, I choose to be present along side my imbalance. I'm holding it's hand, and we will slowly, consciously move forward in a state far from grace, but closer to center.

 

I'm right here, right now, in the writer's nook, in this moment of creativity.

Namaste